Starting the day with an epic search for my cell phone! Usually, I can turn all sources of noise off–including authoritatively sssshhhhhhhhh-ing my kids–long enough to hear the faint, tantalizing whisper of my phone, which is always set to vibrate. A little sweat, a lot of swears, and 100 unnecessary throw pillows on the floor later and I am happily reunited with my phone. No big deal.

But not today! No, no, no. Today, it’s on. It’s the cell phone search from hell–on steroids.

I have scoured every room. I have taken a coffee break and tried again. I have turned off televisions, ceiling fans, central AC. In one of my not-so-fine moments, I even told Alexa to shut the hell up.

Nothing.

I have looked in the washer and dryer (sadly, I wouldn’t put it past me to toss it in there), in the car, under beds, in my pantry, in my fridge, in closets. The little fucker is nowhere to be found.

I mean, did I pack it in my kid’s lunch or something?!

I literally just got up and dealt with the back to school chaos this morning. I had my phone before mommyhood mayhem took over. How am I dysfunctional enough to hide my phone from myself? And have absolutely no recollection about what transpired during my journey from upstairs to downstairs? Clearly, I missed my calling as someone who plants evidence or as a hide-and-go-seek master.

Where should I look next? Any ideas? Where is the craziest place you have found your cell phone?

Is it Friday yet?!